We have all, at some point in our lives, lost somebody dear to us.
I myself have lost more than I care to mention, yet I lost one of them long before they died.
I watched as my dear friend was eaten away by cancer.
She lost control of her arms, her legs, her bladder and bowels. I watched as she, ever determined as always, refused help, dragged herself through her own filth to get to the bathroom, a human slug leaving a slimy trail.
Long before that she wished she could end it, wished she could have died with dignity, instead I watched as she died in agony, having withered away to something less than human, in too much pain to even know I was there, that she was surrounded by her friends and family.
I still wonder, if at the end of her last horrifying moments, whether or not she even knew she was not alone.
I miss her terribly, despite the years. I miss the fact that she could have ceased her suffering at a time she had chosen to, to see out her days as she had seen fit, I miss most that I was robbed of the chance to remember her as she would have chosen, instead of that thing, wrapped in disease and suffering, begging for the darkness to finally envelop her. I've been robbed, of her humour, her laughter and damn silly jokes. Seeing her for the brave and beautiful woman she truly was. Just as she was stolen away from having a choice.
I have heard other peoples stories, how others of my friends, my family and random people I have met have experienced similar, sometimes shockingly so, I wonder how many of them are haunted by their memories, how they would have chosen to remember, how many of their loved ones would have chosen to die at their own pace?
An animal in the same condition as my friend would not have been allowed to suffer, they would have been put down out of their suffering, the owners fined and prosecuted. I want to know who should I prosecute, who is responsible, who should I blame for allowing someone I loved to suffer so horribly?
Animals don't understand, we cannot understand them, for all we know they could be desperate to see out all of their days clutching to the very last of their dying breath.
People do, we can understand, we can communicate, we should be given the choice.
Thank you for reading.
-I miss you-